I've Been Warned-Stay Away From De Greek
78
It Started Innocent Enough
The other night my husband and I were watching an old foreign flick. La Notte Bianche with Marcello Mastroianni , whom I think is just real dreammmmy! I wasn’t much paying attention to the movie, as I had my laptop and was reading some hubs, as is my usual schedule in the evenings. My husband was paying more attention to the movie than I was. Then my husband asked me an interesting question, he said, “Do you think that Mastiraonni was sexy”? I, without any hesitation at all, said, “but of course”. Then he asked if I would rather have a sexy man or a good-looking man, and I explained that good looks maybe important to some people, but I think sexy is always better than good-looking. My husband thought for a second and made the mistake of asking me what makes a man sexy?
Things getting worse
Well I started digging my grave slowly at first and then picked up speed as I went along, but started out by explaining that some men, such as certain actors are either very good-looking, but not that sexy, or vice versa for that matter. People like Joaquin Phoenix, whom I think is very sexy but not that good looking. And then there is Brad Pitt who is both good-looking, (Imho) and sexy, especially in Legends of the Fall, my favorite Brad Pitt movie. And then I did the unthinkable and most stupid thing you can imagine.
OMG!
At that moment that I was (ahem digging my grave), I was actually on De Greek’s newest hub and told my husband that there are just certain men that are sophisticated, debonair, intelligent, funny and no matter how old or young they are, or even how good-looking they are, it makes them sexy….such as De Greek here on Hubpages…(digging grave faster now). So then my husband looked at me perplexed and said, “I want to see a picture of de De Greek (he has an accent so he puts de in front of almost every word so it was so funny that I had to bite my lip from laughing, because if anyone knows me, once a smirk happens upon my lips it soon blows up into a full blown laugh, and I so didn’t want to do this.) So my husband proceeded to look at De Greeks picture, which was really hard to see because of the size, and he went into a jealous rage, (which isn’t anything like him, because I have never known him to be jealous at all). But the mere mention of the word Greek set him off for some reason.
We're innocent I tried to tell him!
I went on to explain that I thought that De Greek was just a great writer on Hubpages, and that he makes me laugh with his humor and I was just trying to make my point about sexuality in men and what attracts me to them. So then he said,” So you are attracted to de De Greek? And I said, (grave almost dug completely), Look, De Greek is married, I am married, but maybe in a galaxy far far away, if we both weren’t married, I definitely wouldn’t mind his shoes under my bed once in awhile. OMG! I should have never said that, So I tried to recover and I started to tell him that De Greek is just a Hubville friend and he comments on my hubs and I comment on his, that there has never been anything inappropriate between us, except maybe a colon smile :) for God’s sakes. (Okay so by now I am totally in my grave and he is filling it with soil), I said, “I MEAN A VIRTUAL SMILE”!
I'm To Blame!
At any rate I know it was all my fault as my husband stormed out of the room, after all he raised an eyebrow when I dedicated a poem to MFB III, and he sees me looking at Wayne Brown’s picture maybe just a little too long sometimes (I love cowboys, there I said it). So I had to smooth things over with my dear husband who I just found out after 9 years of marriage is a little insecure….shh. So then we recovered from this fiasco, but I can’t watch anymore Mastriaonni movies, and unfortunately, I have been warned, Stay away from De Greek!!
I have to add here that De Greek didn’t have anything to do with what happened and has always been a gentlemen in all his correspondence with me and although, he is popular with the lady’s here on hub pages, he does always mention his wife and how much he loves her. So in no way do I mean any disrespect to De Greek or his wife. It was all me, and I shall be the one sleeping on the couch for a couple nights….maybe. And boy do I have a big mouth!
- The King of Writing
Okay so there are a lot of Kings around such as Elvis but I won't be writing about him, although he definitely is in another kingdom all his own but that is for another hub. What I will be talking about here... - In The Merry Old Land of Oz
One of my favorite quotes of all time is, What would you do with a brain if you had one? Of course that quote is from one of the greatest movies made of all time. The Wizard of Oz, and the quote is... - LadyJane1
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1926-1962 It's a little embarrassing to say that I am obssessed with stars but there is a few that have caught my interest for some reason or another, such as Lucille Ball, James Dean, Marlon Brando, Bette...
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That is so funny.
Uh-oh, suspicions have been raised now--you might be awakened in the middle of the night by your husband, asking in angry and accusing tones, "Have you been colon smiling again???"
Mike (chuckling to himself...)
Lady Jane, life's funny that way! You did a grand job of capturing a moment I have lived over watching films with Goldie Hawn and Karen Black, years ago when my ball and chain was a jealous woman. I laughed as I read it, I remember thinking how absurd life can be, as if we could step into a movie and do the cha cha, LOL. Never seen a colon smile, butt I've heard them laugh at awkward times.
Thanks for the laugh, I had to bump all the buttons up!, 50
"Well I started digging my grave slowly at first and then picked up speed as I went along?"
"A colon smile "
"Okay so by now I am totally in my grave and he is filling it with soil"
I am telling you LadyJane, I laughed out loud several times, and not because you were writing about me. This is brilliantly clever humour!!!
And I am sure that you have the ways and means to move back into the bedroom, without spending a single night on the sofa.. :-)))
I LOVE you :-)))
I just received an email from De Greek with the headline "Stay Away From De Greek." Since I had also published a hub about him today, I thought he had taken offense. Seems maybe not... thank you, I will be reading this with interest.
Ladyjane, I think you have put a :-( on your hubby's face by :0)) with De Greek. I think De Greek especially lit a fire under all you ladies yesterday with his ode to defending ourselves as young men growing up in the streets of Fight Club, for some reason or other woman I know get cranked up when they see fellas fighting each other in or out of a caged ring.Nah your hubby will be fine, no need to be jealous over a :0)) or two. Don't ever give up your colon smiles, we would miss them terribly:0))))))))))
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts! He is an old smoothy I have to agree!
How could you possibly, just easily... write what I think? lol..
"there are just certain men that are sophisticated, debonair, intelligent, funny and no matter how old or young they are, or even how good-looking they are, it makes them sexy….such as De Greek here on Hubpages…"
I am falling off my chair, Ladyjane1...lol..
Thank you!!
Good one LJ! I think I'm falling for your husband. :) :) :)
Yep, lj1, your goose was cooked as soon as you uttered "colon smile".
In DG's defense, it's not *his* fault he exudes "sexy" from every delicious pore, that female hubbers follow him around like lovesick puppy dogs, or that since he arrived here, all of the doorways in the De Greek house have had to be widened to accommodate his inflated ego. ;D (Kisses, DG!)
Too funny! My husband used to be very jealous, but he's finally given up. He's now used to my flirtations and realizes that it's all in fun. I've told him about De Greek, Charlie, and others on HP, and he just smiles and shakes his head.
What is this??? Are you colon smiling on my husband??? I'm in such a hideous jealous rage that I might...well I might...I don't know yet, but I assure you that my breath is quickening at such a pace that my chest is heaving like a ship full of druken sailors lurching about on an angry churning sea and tears are filling my eyes with such speed and passion that I can barely make out the words that I'm typing...drip, drip, dripping all over my keyboard...and...and...
Good job and I enjoyed this read a great deal! Very funny! :) I say you don't have a big mouth at all, you were baited into telling him what you did. ;)
I cannot describe in mere words how hilarious this hub is, ladyJane! You've written a classic, let me tell you, gal!
That scenario in your den or wherever you and your adorable husband watch TV while you keep another wary eye on your laptop (?) reading hubs is just the perfect setting for this dramatic act unfolding on the page here!
As you say, it starts innocently enough but somehow when spouses begin to probe into each other's fantasyland of what is sexually appealing or exciting to themselves privately, - it can get hairy and then murky quickly. Or should I say - dirty, - since you were digging in the earth a grave for yourself?
The colon smile, though - is by all standards the funniest faux-pas of them all. Joaquin Phoenix and Brad Pitt, - nothing, really. Just digital images on a flat screen. Gets a little trickier when you're colon-smiling at the images on a smaller flat screen on your intimate lap, though - for goodness' sake!! There, the handsome cowboy in the hat is a prickly thorn for your guy, but when one of these lotharios happens to have a beautiful accent, a crooked knowing smile & amused, mischievous eyes which obviously find no obstacle with clothing if he chooses to look further with his X-ray vision - - and this paragon is GREEK, too - - well - Katy-bar-the-door. You've done done it, gal! No husband, regardless of how secure or insecure he may be -is going to be able to brush that one off and swallow it without choking and gasping!! You DID indeed overestimate that the reality of the innocence of the colon smile and appreciable distance between you and the embodiment of all that male pulchritude could possibly diffuse its impact on the poor man you married.
I am sure,- as others have pointed out already - that you won't need to spend much time sleeping on the sofa, though. If anything you may be called upon to spend MORE time in bed with your guy!!! Maybe even a lot of the time you'd otherwise spend on HubPages!
This is truly a classic, LJ. One for the books, as well as for DG's rapidly growing collection of flattering hubs!! I salute you! Oh - and by the way - I don't know if I'd count on that distant galaxy in some other time continuum being clear-sailing for you and De Greek - you may find a bunch of Hubber groupies already there in queue. But big colon smile :-) - You're somethin' else! And that's good! Maybe you'll be promoted to head of the line!! (assuming your husband and Mrs. De Greek are non-existent out there in space!) 'Nuther BIG colon smile for you :-)
Very funny hub - I can just picture that smirk of yours sis.......great job.
Well, it started for me with the first uttering of "de De Greek" when your darling husband was reduced to stuttering in order to express his jealous rage. And then it just went from there to OMG the colon smile! Brilliant! Thank you!
drbj thanks for reading and yes I actually said what I said...thanks for your sympathy! Cheers.
@Mike thanks for reading and you are right I will have to watch out for those accusations but my husband need not worry, I don't give out my colon smiles very easy now a days. Cheers.
@50 Caliber you are so right and I have to admit that I have raised an eyebrow once or twice when my husband's head is turned during those Victoria Secret commercials so I figure I was justified... Thanks for reading. Cheers.
@OH De Greek I'm glad you find my pain humorous I really do and you are right I didn't have to sleep on the couch after all... he he....but I still wanna see you on the catwalk...yea the catwalk! :)
@Website Examiner thanks for reading and I shall look forward to reading your hub about our De Greek! Cheers.
@saddlerider thanks for reading and I don't give out my colon smiles too easily but I won't give up on them altogether. Cheers.
@gypsywillow thanks for reading and you are correct on that one he definitely is smooth. Cheers.
@smornenson I knewwwwwwww I can't believe it either. Glad it brought a smile to your face. Cheers.
@Greenlotus thanks for reading and you know it wouldn't be hard to fall for my husband, he does have the nicest Russian accent and the dreamiest blue eyes. But Im gonna save my colon smiles for him from now on. The couch is not comfortable. Cheers.
@Jamagenie you are so right it isn't DG's fault that he exudes sexiness, its a curse I tell you and Im glad it amused you. Cheers.
@Habee thanks for reading and things used to be that way around here but then I said what I said and now my goose was definitely cooked. Cheers.
@Pam oh yea thats right, you are the other wife I completely forgot, and I do apologize I didn't mean to get your gander up... I promise no more colon smiles. I will behave. Thanks for reading, cheers.
@Nellianna unfortunately I don't possess your wisdom so I let this situation get out of hand. Too bad you weren't around to pinch me when I started to say something wrong like my mom used to do. LOL thanks for reading and Im glad it amused you. CHeers.
@whidbeywriter yea you know that smirk well don't ya. Thanks for reading.
@Silvergenes thanks for reading and I love your name by the way...thanks for the compliment. Cheers.
YOu will never live down the colon smile. That's all I can say. God that was funny. This is a funny hub, and I'm with Pam up there wiping away at the corners of my eyes from laughing. Good stuff.
Shadesbreath Im afraid you are correct about the colon smile but maybe I invented a new term of endearment. Thanks for reading. Cheers.
That's some good advice, to stay away from DeGreek.
OMG I love the too sexy video, and not last but least the true confessions. Next time you reply honey any man that looks and acts as do you is both sexy and good looking looking at him saying oh honey your eyes are so beautiful.... NEXT TIME :)
Hi, OMG ha ha ha ha, I couldn't stop laughing! that was a classic! the colon smile! hee hee and digging and digging and digging... I always say, foot and mouth! Open your mouth and put your foot right in it! thanks for the giggle. Brilliant. Nell
Hi, ladyjane, sorry to bother you with this, but could you do me a favour? this horrible excuse for a man keeps harassing me on hubpages and now he has insulted me by making this hub about me! I have written to Maddie about him but nothing seems to be happening. this hub he has written is an insult and I want him removed. can you help? thanks nell
And there's another notch in DG's belt! He should come with a warning... :D
Loved this hub. Just so funny!! Top-notch writing. This one's a classic for sure. Thanks for the giggles :)
Funny, funny! Lady with the colon smile you've made my Sunday morning!
Ladyjane, This hub is so funny. My mother always told me that some things need to stay in your head and not be shared with your husband as they are often more sensitive than they let on. I enjoyed your hub.
Hilarious, De Greek and Marcello Mastriaonni in the same hub! Ladyjane, I'm still laughing (and its the next day).
lorimoor that is good advice but in his defense it was my fault and not his. LOL Chees.
@Katiem not bad advice but Im stupid and have a big mouth and it usually gets me in trouble always. Thanks for reading Cheers.
@
@Nell quite known to sticking my foot in my mouth lol. Thanks for reading. Cheers.
@feline at least its his belt and not his headboard. Whoops see I cant say anything without putting my foot in my mouth....Thanks for visiting Cheers.
@Shil1978 thanks for visiting and the compliment. Cheers.
@Shalini thanks glad I mad your day! Cheers.
@Pamela99 thanks for reading, your mom gave great advice but apparently im an idiot. LOL thanks for visiting. Cheers.
@MPG Narratives Im so glad that I could amuse you once again. It makes my day. Cheers.
Funny,funny,funny stuff!!!I agree with all your comments!
Hon...
You oughtta be careful. Some of us men are sensitive kids with an overgrown sense of ownership and impropriety towards our couples. yeah, I know. It´s absolutely silly, but if your significant other is not cut for jealousy handling, isn´t it better to avoid conflicts? You girls are way emotionally smarter than we guys...You catch my drift, don´t you? Rated up and funny! Loved it!
Warmest hugs and infinite heavenly blessings,
Al
How funny, your as sharp as a tack. I loved it.
Fun comes in many forms & this is one of them - I found the whole story funy - very, very funny now I see how you keep up your good looks.
lol
Well, call me "late for the party" LJ! Do you want me to send an autographed picture for your husband....just kidding! I suffer from his same condition and it chaps my wife dearly. But sometimes you just can't help it when you are married to a good-lookin' woman. You just want to keep the other hounds at a respectable distance! Tell your husband...."I am a fan!" Thanks for funny write! WB
Wayne Brown glad you could make it to our De Greek party. Yea when De Greek is invited it certainly becomes a party as I have found out. Glad you liked the read and I ahem would actually like that autographed picture of you for my own collection since I know you will one day become famous. Thanks for being a fan, the feeling is quite mutual. Cheers.
Very well done and I applaud you all around. However, after seeing your beautiful picture and experiencing your wit, I'm not that surprised at your husband's jealousy. Indeed, I've noticed that de Greek is a gentleman in every situation, so your colon smile couldn't have happened to a nicer guy...
Very funny stuff!
LJ...send me an email with a mailing address and I will see what I can do!
Kael thanks for the lovely comments and thanks for visiting.
geegee77 thanks for reading this. Glad you liked it.
Wayne Brown you just wanna get me into trouble again right cowboy? Cheers.
LJ...just offerin' material for another great hub LOL!
Ha..ha! That really is funny Ladyjane.. I agree that sexy is better than good-looking, because it runs deeper. I also agree that De Greek has it. It's not just those datk, mediterranean eyes...he exudes a kind of worldly power, but tempered by gentleness. However, I'm seriously worried about his head exploding, with all these compliments. We might be creating a monster.
Jane Bovary thanks for reading and for enjoying my hub. I think you are right about De Greek's head Im surprised that it will fit through his front door anymore. Ha. Cheers.
ladyjane, this was so delightful! I love the bantering relationship you and De Greek and Shadesbreath share.
mysterlady 89 thanks for reading and yes the bantering is loads of fun and so is De Greek. Cheers.
Now I see why De Greek recommended this hub! :-) Love it!!! Rated up and you have a new fan!
M Sevey,MSc thanks so much for visiting and I am honored that you are a fan. I look forward to reading your hubs as well. Cheers.
LadyJane,
It's great to find you! I am truly coming to love this place, and I have a bad feeling my husband will soon be jealous as well. :) I tend to put at least two of those in every comment I write~! :)
AC Sutliff Im glad you found me as well and I feel your pain. Thanks for reading and Cheers.
He's a dangerous guy! Anyone who can write so well and look so debonaire has to be dangerous! That goes for you too! Thanks for a good laugh and I hope your man recovers.
Love and peace
Tony
LOL. remind me never to point out any of my Hub male friends to my husband or otherwise, we will start comparing how deep a grave we can dig with our husbands :).
You've really made a big error ladyjane, definitely not something to say to a man, but at least your husband isn't Italian. :):)
Rated up and funny, great article lady. :)
Tonymac thanks for reading and I love your picture. Don't worry my husband has recovered and is doing well lol. And you are so right about De Greek he is quite the ladys man and the man's man if that's what they still call it and he is dangerous and he has all the women on hubpages aflutter. THanks for the compliment and cheers.
@emieval you are so right. LOL thanks for visiting. Cheers.
@hypnodude thanks for reading yea as you know sometimes I stick my foot in my mouth but my husband doesn't hold a grudge and thats good, and I know what you mean I used to be married to a 1/2 mexican 1/2 Italian military man, called himself a lover and a fighter but he was more the latter. Cheers and good to see you.
Give him a gyro or two to get over it, you simply love the writer, not the writers sexual prowess...LOL. perhaps your love of writers on hubs is his Trojan horse, you get into what is created and then gift him with the thoughts you've shared, and then expose what he thinks are enemies in the very walls of his house. LOL
Loved this, and not to worry, his kingdom is safe from the swordlike pens we wield here.LOL~~~MFB III
MFB III good to see you again. I hope all is well with you. Yes my husband has gotten over it. I didn't have to sleep on the couch and all is well in his kingdom. Thanks for reading. Cheers.
LadyJane this is hilarious. lol , u have a great talent. So with a hub u bring me to tears and with another u burst me out laughing. Keep the great hubs coming =) > equal smile...
noorin thanks for reading and Im glad it brought a smile to your lips or a laugh. Sorry for the tears however but Im glad you came by. Cheers.
Anytime =) Your pages are always a pleasure.
I laughed so hard reading this that I can't tell you what happened, anywhoo, I love your brutal honesty with us hubbers. You helped me to relax a little and just have fun here on hub pages. Sometimes I am way too anal.....no colon smile pun intended!!!
Haha thanks for reading and im glad i put you at ease cheers!
Dear ladyjane, raised by an ultra-conservative mother and a stern-magisterial father, and still living in the country where women hide behind veiled eyes and polite smiles, I have to compliment you with a mere twinkle in my eye on this well-written, stimulating, smile-provoking hub. :-)
MartieCoetser your kind comments have made my day Im glad you enjoyed this oh so much fun hub to write. Cheers.
Very funny. Well written. Catchy title.
lj, you must have some pull. I clicked on the link in Nell's comment and it no longer works. Now I know who to go to. lol
gr82bme thanks for reading and Im glad you liked it. It is one of my favorite hubs just for fun. Yea the link is gone because hubpages made that person remove the information about Nell....Thanks for reading cheers.
Hi Ladyjane, I have yet to see an honest reply or retort from men who are guilty of the very thing you were trapped in. Are you telling me that your husband doesn’t get extra interested in any particular movies because of the leading lady?
Let me put it another way, why would any self respecting man watch a James Bond film if there were not some slickly named femme fatal to watch? I mean really, there is a reason why guys dig the roll James Bond personifies. I am guilty of the occasional left corner of my mouth salivating. One of my favorite characters is Kathrine from CSI Vegas, and I am 31. All guys do this…but a women openly admitting it…you had me rolling.
I am sure your dog house visit was short lived. Great hub. UP!
Jason glad you enjoyed my hub. Yes I have gotten a lot of flack from this hub but fortunately I didnt have to spend the night in the doghouse lol. And you are right, I see my husband eyeballing those Victoria's Secret commercial. Cheers to you for reading my hub.
I totally loved this :) well written humorous and most of all so easy to relate too.
thanks so much for sharing
nighthag thanks for reading glad you enjoyed it. CHeers.
ladyjane,
I'm sorry I'm so late to the party, but I just had to thank you for this humorous hub. I am anxious to follow you and read more of your offerings.
CP
Christopher thanks for reading and you are not late to the party as long as people still read this hub the party continues. Yes poor De Greek has been the victim in a couple of my hubs but he is always a good sport. Thanks for visiting and for the follow. Cheers.
This was hilarious!
careergirl Thank you so much I appreciate your reading my hub. Cheers!
Just ran across this today as an additional hub to a question I answered and have to admit I have made similar mistakes until I learned the warning signs...
First the breathing slows and the words come slower, "So, who would you marry out if you could have anyone ? Too easy, "YOU BABY"
Then come the accusatory questions with double edges..."well do you think SHE is sexy ?" Well maybe if I was into girls like that, but I love and married you honey."
Finally, comes the worst one of all...If I died would you remarry ? Like any wife wants to ever believe that during HER lifetime he has already made a decision about what he plans to do after she isn't here anymore. It's almost like saying we have replaced them I think. So my obvious and trouble free answer remains safe and tested positive for its ability to keep me from the doghouse..."Honey, I vowed to love you for as long as I live, not for as long as we are both alive. No one will ever be able to take your place."
So far I have managed to not fall into the trap but as I said, ya gotta be vigilant and see the signs when the couch begins to loom large as your nightly companion rather than a comfy bed...
Hillrider you seem to have been married for awhile to really master the art of avoiding those questions...funny stuff. I enjoyed writing this hub and I didn't have to sleep on the couch afterall because my husband is a sweetheart and no matter what I do during the day by nightfall he needs me to keep him warm and cannot sleep without me. LOL. Thanks for sharing and for stopping by. Cheers to you.
Im the kind of girl that found Tony Soprano on The Sopranos delightfully sexy but not at all attractive. That being said, I have the same views on men as you MS LADYJANE, however the whole colon smile thing conjures up some mental images that need an eraser. Keep up the great work!! If we were face to face I would be snorting and you would be running to the bathroom!!! HA! HA! snort snort
drbj Level 8 Commenter 23 months ago
OMG, ladyjane, you actually said, "colon smile"? It's much too late for me to give you any advice, only my sympathy.
Just keep writing funny hubs like this one. :)< colon smile.